Hello, my name is Jonathan, but my friends call me Jonny. I am 24 years old, a college graduate, and work as an accountant at a large firm. I am currently engaged to my college sweetheart, and for the most part, things are going well, and I have a lot to be grateful for.

The one thing I don’t have anymore that has left a gaping hole in my heart is my brother. I created this blog to share the story of my little brother Matt, or Matty, as I call him. He died last year from his addiction to methamphetamines. As difficult as it is to talk about, I wanted to tell his story in the hopes that it can help somebody else struggling with addiction, or with a loved one struggling.

You see, I was very aware of my brother’s problem. I saw how it consumed him like a monster. The drug changed his personality and his whole life. By the time he died, he was barely recognizable as the mischievous little Matty I once knew.

I was always the “good” son growing up. Not that Matty was particularly bad or anything, not when he was younger. He was just curious and liked to get into a little trouble sometimes, but nothing serious. Like, he would play pranks at school, or sneak out late, things like that. Whereas I was class president, a star athlete, and excelled at academics.

I admit now that I reveled in my status as the “good” kid, which I have some guilt about. But I think Matty equally relished his status as the bad boy, the trouble maker, the rascal.

Maybe if we hadn’t all cast him as the bad one, he wouldn’t have turned out the way he did. It seemed harmless at the time, but I regret playing into the shtick. There are a lot of things I regret about how I handled Matty, especially in what would turn out to be his final years of life.

Since I failed to help Matty, I hope this blog can help someone else. I will tell you his story, the signs I saw and the signs I missed, what I did and what I wish I could do differently.

Keep reading to hear Matty’s story.